"I lost the joy of cycling - I lost my will to live" - Lotto neo-pro undergoes a long healing journey from depths of mind back to bicycle

June has arrived and so the 2025 season is entering it's second half. However there a few men at the professional level who are yet to appear at the start. Among them Lotto's new recruit Robin Orins.

The Belgian under-23 time trial champion impressed with his consistency last year, but after his fifth place in a time trial at the U23 World Championships, he disappeared from the radar. "Of course, when everything is going well, things often seem effortless - until you hit your limit," Orins writes in a lengthy blog after half a year of silence.

The 23-year-old explains that first symptoms emerged right after Zurich. "After the World Championships in Zurich, I felt completely drained - physically and mentally. I was tired of everything: the media, the pressure - I just needed rest, a break, no bike, no focus for a while."

But Orins could not find that peaceful state of mind and then his body collapsed. "I couldn’t find rest and kept getting sick. My immune system was below 0, and I was sleeping more than I was awake. My body was exhausted, physically and mentally - everything was too much."

"When I returned home, I was diagnosed with a recurrence of the respiratory infection I had two years ago - yet another mental blow," he says on the account of his physical ailment. Then his mind started to drift away too. "From that point on, I spiraled even further."

"I started experiencing panic attacks more frequently. I lost my appetite. I stopped going outside. I was stuck in a vicious cycle. The holidays were hell - while others celebrated together, I spent hours crying, trying to find myself again between panic attacks. I became afraid - afraid of everything, but mostly afraid of myself. I no longer had the energy to ride my bike. I lost the joy of cycling."

Nothing Orins tried would let him get a fresh start. "I kept sinking deeper. I didn’t just lose my appetite - I lost my will to live. Life didn’t seem to have meaning anymore. I felt useless and had disturbing thoughts. That’s when alarm bells started ringing, and together with those around me, I sought help." Luckily, he was surrounded by caring people who helped him find the direction again.

"I started taking medication and underwent intensive therapy to get back on track and especially to find the root cause. I had a difficult childhood marked by an anxiety disorder, but that had been under control for 7–8 years. What I experienced was a resurgence of that disorder, triggered by ignoring the warning signs and by unresolved trauma."

That was in January. Since then, some passed and Orins re-found some of his lost passion for the sport, even if not immediately at the highest level. "In April, I started riding my bike again - mainly to rediscover the joy of cycling and to no longer see it as an obligation. The first few rides were extremely tough. I would panic when I felt my heartbeat rise or when a car passed too close. But after a while, things began to feel familiar again, and I found joy in it once more."

The final step was to start preparing to race again - and the young rider promises that the day of his return is much closer than it was half a year ago. "Now, here I am - having fun on my bike and preparing myself for the next step in my process. Once I feel ready to start racing again, I’ll share that on my socials," Orins concludes.