“I’d stopped finding any joy. I lost myself as a person” – Fem van Empel open and honest on mental struggles that marred her 3rd Cyclocross World Championship win

Barely six weeks after clinching her third successive cyclocross world title, Fem van Empel walked away from cycling. In March 2025, the now-23-year-old quietly abandoned the Trofeo Binda and then announced an indefinite break, just as the Classics season was beginning. For the most dominant rider in women’s cyclocross, it was a startling move – but, as she has now reflected in conversation with Het Nieuwsblad, it had been a long time coming.

“After that third world title I actually never enjoyed it,” Van Empel admitted. “People didn’t know that I’d stopped finding any joy in the sport. Through my own perfectionism, I lost myself as a person.”

Since bursting to the top of cyclocross in 2022, Van Empel has rewritten the sport’s hierarchy. Three consecutive world titles, three European crowns and close to 60 wins in barely three seasons have confirmed her as the most dominant rider of her generation. Yet behind that success lay a growing sense of emptiness. “Because of my perfectionism I focused only on what I was good at,” she explained. “I went into every detail to make things as perfect as possible – training, nutrition, rest. If I hadn’t done one of those things perfectly, I questioned whether I was ready. Looking back, that’s nonsense. I was more an athlete than a human being.”

When she triumphed in Hoogerheide in 2023, it should have been the crowning moment of a rapid rise. Instead, it marked the start of an identity crisis. “A huge weight fell off my shoulders,” she recalled. “But the next day I thought: and now what? I kept winning, and after every victory it was Monday again and another new goal arrived.”

By early spring this year, Van Empel realised something had to change. She met with her team, Team Visma | Lease a Bike, and admitted she could no longer continue as before. Then, for perhaps the first time in years, she let herself relax.

“It felt good to have an ice cream after my meeting with the team. I’d never allowed myself that before,” she said. “In that period I let go of cycling completely. I started running, took long walks with my uncle – sometimes 30 kilometres. I just did whatever I felt like doing.”

The time away gave her space to reconnect with life outside the sport. She baked, gardened and spoke with other athletes who had faced similar struggles. “People around me soon noticed I’d become more open, more social,” she added. “It made me realise I had to stay true to myself. I began asking what I actually enjoy doing.”

As she returns to cyclocross for the 2025/26 winter, Van Empel does so with a different mindset. “It’s varied, challenging and has a family feel. That’s the world where I feel most at home,” she said of the mud-soaked discipline that first made her a star. “I don’t need to find out what I can achieve on the road – not right now.”

She has also learned to handle external pressure more lightly. “You do it for yourself and no one else,” she explains. “Giving an opinion is the easiest thing in the world, but I don’t think most people realise how much impact that can have on a young athlete. When you win a world title, you get hundreds of congratulations, but the few who say you didn’t deserve it – those are the comments that stay with you.”

Still, she remains fiercely competitive. After her return race in Ruddervoorde, Van Empel will line up at the Nacht van Woerden and Heerderstrand, with her eyes ultimately on Hulst in February, where she aims to defend her rainbow jersey for a fourth straight time. “If I’d stopped now, I’d have had a beautiful career,” she reflected. “But I’m not done yet. I’m going to enjoy this winter in the rainbow bands – something I probably haven’t done enough of in the past few years. I’m still competitive enough to always want to win, but when the race is done, I also want to be able to relax.”

Van Empel’s openness offers a rare glimpse into the mental toll of sustained success. Her journey from perfectionism and pressure to balance and self-acceptance mirrors a broader conversation within elite sport – one that reminds even the most dominant athletes that joy, not just victory, defines a career.

As the 2025/26 cyclocross season begins, the reigning world champion seems ready to rediscover what first drew her into the mud: freedom, playfulness and pure love of the bike. And should sound like a loud warning to all of those who hope to challenge her dominance this winter.